Clearing out the Crap

It is time to clear out the crap hindering my 2013 joie de vivre. (www.sarahelink.blogspot.com/2013/01/introducing-my-2013.html)

While we can never truly start over we can release that which holds us back. Or so I hope.

I participated in an online course in which we were encouraged to let go and leave behind those things that are harmful habits or that cause us to think negative, especially about ourselves.

A sheet of paper holds the list of things I have started to try to purge. Many are blemishes where I have failed to give forgiveness. I am a master at pulling out the past to use as ammunition in the now. This is perhaps the biggest area of struggle for me.

It is more than difficult to take the hurt of deep wounds and find the grace to wipe the slate clean. Yet I know God does this over and over and over again with me.

To really be in the now and honor myself in my journey, I need to take the time to commit the things I need to let go onto paper. My plan is to burn the slips of paper in a "burning of the grievances ceremony."  I am somewhat skeptical that I will actually have the strength that though this exercise I will actually be able to release these things, but it is worth a try.

The pitter-patter of the rain surrounds me as it hits the windows from the outside. The barrier of glass protecting me from the wet cold uncomfortable of what could be. I think of how emotionally purging myself could invite the uncomfortable in. There are just some places I do not want to visit again. Yet I know I must purge that which is contrary to the now without judgement of myself.

I pick up my pen and re-read the list which I have started. Across it I have written, "Nothing here holds me back permanently or defines me now. I have the choice to move forward, forgive and release."

I share this part of my journey publicly so that I am held accountable. I have not yet decided how much of my "grievances list" I want to share, but I will let you know in my next post.

If you have things that you need to release from 2012, I encourage you to write them out. Maybe even perhaps we can have a simultaneous burning of the grievances ceremony. I am willing to attempt this physical act of releasing so that my 2013 can be the best year yet for myself. Are you?

Introducing my 2013

I have never been one to set new year's resolutions in a thought out manner. Sure, I would throw the "I would like to lose 10lbs" out there every once in awhile, but I never sat down and thoughtfully wrote them out.

I guess I did not want to set myself up for failure. I am wired so that when I write something down I am going to do it. It is like the simple act of committing it onto paper...taking a thought and transforming it into written words... make it a commitment for me.

I truly can be my worst enemy.
For instance when I run, I compete with myself. I like to run the same races or the same course so that I can compete against my previous time. Even in training runs I will set my mind with a time that I would like to complete my run in and on the rare occasion I don't make it I will fret, a lot, about being two seconds slower than I wanted. True example.

But in 2012 I gave myself a year off to recharge, repair, and refocus.

I learned to sit in quiet without my mind shooting a thousand thoughts around. I ran without wearing a watch to calculate my time or distance, instead ran a pace and distance on how my body felt. I did not work and struggled through the loss of the sense of pride and accomplishment I got out of getting dressed up and giving my best to serve others. I slept, a lot. I saw God in the most unexpected and surprising ways. I let go, although I didn't want to, of control. I married the most crazily, wonderful, beautiful man. And after I let go of (most of my) fears, I lived a life that I had always wanted to but never thought possible.

I stepped out of the shadow of what others thought I should be and do and declared to the world....well, okay maybe only myself but it was very freeing, that I am unapologetically me.

The freedom of feeling like a wanderer in my own life was both frightening and fun. There is much that I want to carry forward in 2013 and I have decided my theme for this year is joie de vivre, which means to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit.

I am not looking at setting a list of resolutions for myself, but rather hopes. Things I would like to do...but not just to meet a particular definable goal....but to grow as a person. I am looking at the big areas in which I would like to grow and finding tangible ways to do so.

I find that when I write and share what I write the feedback I get from others offers great comfort that I am not alone in thoughts, fears or wacky moments. Connecting, albeit virtually, makes the great big world not so abstract. After all, we are all on our own unique journeys and I love watching and encouraging others as they write their own fascinating stories.

One area I am working on is expressing emotions more openly with others. I can and do share, but often it comes through a filtered lens of not offending people or wondering if others will think I am nuts, instead of the raw emotion of what is.

So I set out to commit to writing more and sharing it publicly. Not for anything other than besides telling my own story. Whether it makes you laugh or cry or scratch your head in wonder or not like me or challenge you...well you are getting (unapologetically) me.

This is just the first page in my 2013 joie de vivre. Welcome....

It's the End of the World as I Know It...

It's the end of the world as I know it...and I am trying to feel fine.

The past several years have been a consistent transition of things in my world. Because of an unexpected blessing I was able to take 2012 off from working and thought I would spend a lot of time investing in myself--doing things to develop my mind, heart, and body.

I did do things occasionally for myself. I saw more of the world than ever, found time to read, gave myself a respite of saying no to every opportunity, and began to enjoy singing and playing music again. There were weeks when I was attuned to life and enjoyed it immensely. And there were weeks when I crashed and slept; where worries crept in and my way of coping was to not.

Time invested was not always helping me to grow or develop, but to replenish a depleted me. I feel as though I have had time to recover and heal and am both afraid and antsy for what's next.

So as 2012 comes to a close and I am starting to work again, I am mindful of how easy it is to lose oneself in the midst of every day life. As I was thinking about how to keep balance in life and work and love and kids and marriage and all the other stuff that pulls for our attention, I came across a 21-day "online class" by Molly Mahar (www.stratejoy.com) that helps you develop "clarity about what you are craving for 2013."

I am excited to do this and map out 2013. Not too be confined to plans or a timeline, but to have a clear picture of things I would like to accomplish for me personally on a spiritual, intellectual, physical, financial, and emotional level.

I envision myself as the best me that I can be. Enjoying the journey of making my life all that I believe I was designed to be.

The Honeymoon is Over

This week the honeymoon is officially over.

Mike and I have been blessed with an enormous amount of time together to celebrate life as newlyweds. This involved my three blessings adjusting to life on Tybee and the blending of Mike's three kids into our "Brady Bunch."

We are starting a new business (www.letustellit.com) which is starting to take off and our days at home together are ending. We knew this time would come, but that does not make it any easier.

Mike and I are literally passing each other on or way to-and-from town all week this week. We usually have our weekends together, but he is meeting a beloved friend for a boys weekend while I cheer on Laurel's soccer team in their tournament this weekend. This is the first time (besides a funeral I attended for two days in NYC) that we will be apart. Truth be told, I already dread it. There is the potential that we will be apart the following weekend too.

I know that we were gifted with lots of time and am thankful for that. I also know that as the girls get older our weekends apart will likely be more (after all I am married to a die-hard season ticket holder for UGA).

Sure in the grand scheme of life this is all minor stuff, but change is never easy.

Actually, most of us fear change. The comfort of what we know often paralyzes us to move forward. We remain transfixed in a state of what is instead of embracing the thought of what could be.

We all have hopes and dreams of what we want to try, where we would like to work, where we want to live, what differences we want to make in the world. We put off becoming all that we could be for the future because there isn't time now, or we do not have the money, or because we have kids.

We often always concoct a reason for why not now won't work; instead of finding or own why not way.

There are countless examples of people that we sit in awe of who have dared to live the life they imagined. They started out no different from you and I. I believe that we are all blessed with a crazy, wonderful, wild adventure, yet few of us ever come close to living it out.

My personal prayer is that I do not arrive at my grace safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a ride!"

Find one small thing you desire to try and do it. It is not a matter of accomplishing all the big things at once but taking small steps forward. There are things that you desire to do. There are changes you desire to make. There are experiences you desire to have. There are places you desire to live. There are jobs you desire to hold. There is a life you desire to live. Why not now?