FOR ME

As I have gone through some major transitions in my life, I have chosen to not write a lot out of fear of what others would think. Would what I say be offensive? Would others think I am crazy? Would I be judged?

The sad truth is that even while I have not shared my journey, these things have still happened. Regardless, of sharing the truth of my heart, hoping that it may help someone else, I found myself still criticized for things. This only caused a downward spiral into self blame and so I chose to pull myself even tighter (because I was a pretty private person already) and surrounded and protected myself fiercely.

There was one person though, who refused to let me stand alone. Through consistent encouragement and persistent love, I was shown that even though sometimes I could not find words, and the tears would not stop, and my list of faults was endless....that I was valued. In the worst of the worst... I was still valued.

This grew to including a collection of friends---some new, some old---who sat listening, who made me laugh, who encouraged me, who opened their arms and embraced me, who invited me to their homes, who fed me... who filled my heart with hope.

William Bridges in his book "Transitions" writes that, "We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new- not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to the people and places that act as definitions of who we are."

Great comfort is easily found in resting in what we have always known. And as much as I would like a life of great comfort, I cannot grow and become all that I made to be while resting in the familiar. So I have slowly found myself, after a brief period of just managing through each day, letting go so that I am ready.

There are still things I am working through, but I am thankful for those who have loved me unconditionally as I continue to embrace my journey. I thank God every single day for the special collection of friends that I am blessed with and love. Especially the one who despite what I said, knew what was in my heart. Thank you.

It seems so inadequate, but thank you.

Emerging

I have three large blisters, a jammed thumb, skin ripped off my big toe, and my muscles ache. The truth is that I can't remember when the last time was that I was this sore, but felt so good.

In reality much of life is like this. Many times to get where we are suppose to be we must go through so pretty sore moments before emerging.

Change is hard. There is not a ten-step plan that we can check off as we progress. And we fight it. Rationalize it. Resist it. Ignore it. Try to flee.

Until one day we end up broken.

I know of a lady who, in her despair, took her beautiful new Pottery Barn porcelain pitcher and smashed it on the floor. Sounds crazy right? Angry and crying she then proceeded to glue it back together, piece by piece. Cutting her fingers on the broken pieces, getting her fingers stuck in the glue. She kept going until the pieces resembled a pitcher again.

Letting go of pain, forgiving others, forgiving herself, clinging to the grace of our Creator.

We can be broken. Shattered. Scattered. Yet, piece by piece, we are often picked up by others and held back together again. Slowly they help us regain the strength we need until what we are left with are hairline scars of what used to be.

Mended.

The blisters heal, you regain control, the skin grows back, and the soreness subsides. And you realize that you can't remember the last time you ever felt so good.