July 11, 2014

Just Bent

Are you there God?

Predisposed to anger I am trying to take all the pent up frustrations of this week and use them for positive.

Which is why I scrubbed the bathroom floors and baseboards on my hands and knees, organized my kitchen cupboards, alphabetized the spices, cleaned, ran, cleaned, wrote letters, etc.

Returning from a glorious vacation I was snapped back into reality when I realized my renter had fled the state and left his girlfriend squatting at my rental house.

Which is trashed.

Advised to take the high road and give her time to get her stuff out...only made me more frustrated.

I am tired of adults not being held accountable for their actions. Why can she live there rent free for two weeks?

Sometimes it sucks being a nice person. We always seem to get screwed.

So the added expense of un-budgeted/unexpected repairs lands on top of a dwindling checking

Of course, this comes right after the blow that I didn't get the job I really wanted. Not even a second interview.

And the news is flooded with parents intentionally leaving their kids in hot cars and the kid dies. Yet I have several friends mourning losses of babies they briefly held or can never have.

So God, I know all the verses I am to repeat to myself...for my light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all...

But God, why?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I use to be under the illusion that it was punishment for sins, but I don't think you really are like that.

Make your face shine on your servant, save me with your steadfast love....

See the verses aren't helping me because I'm struggling to believe them at this moment. I'm just uttering the words.

It's not just one thing, but a lot rests unsettled in my heart. A lot thrown at me in the past few weeks.

I'm not broken, just bent.

Bent towards cynical thinking, unfairness to those who do good.

I know it's not my place to judge, but God seriously you know the people I am talking about and I just don't get it.

So, I know you are there. And I know you are listening. And I know you feel my heart. And I know you see my weakness of anger.And I know you see the hurt.

But I'm trying.... Can you give me a little nod?