December 25, 2008

For Now, My Little One

As I awoke to the pitter-patter of 6 little feet, I could not help but think about you. I do not know where you are, but I wonder about you every day.
This morning was hard as I watched you sisters open up (probably too many) Christmas gifts and I wondered what your morning was like. Did you celebrate Christmas? Did you have a tree? Did you receive any presents? Did you know the story of Jesus' birth?
I want you to know that not a single day goes by that I do not wonder about you. I wonder what you look like, what you like to play, what your favorite food is, what is your favorite color, what does your laugh sound like, do you like to sleep with a nightlight on? Oh so much of this is meaningless, but I still wonder.
There is so much that I cannot wait to share with you. I cannot wait to see what dynamic you bring to our family. I cannot wait to provide you with unconditional love and security.
I do not know where you are coming from or when we will meet you, but I am ready to walk beside you (and carry you if necessary) through whatever lies ahead.
You are loved beyond measure.
And so tonight, as always, I send you hugs and kisses and I pray that you are protected by His angels.

For now, my little one, goodnight.

December 23, 2008

No More Just Motions

It has been awhile since I have posted, I know. There is so much that I have been thinking lately and I have not had much time to write.
I am realizing that they way I want to be is not the way I am. The life that I want to have is not the one I am living. More importantly I wonder if it lines up with what God wants for me.
I started the year off feeling so close to God and loved, loved the feeling that he was right beside me... that I could turn and talk to Him any time (and I did) and He was right there. I felt truly in His presence and in relationship with Him. But somewhere along the line I let our relationship go.
I know God is still standing beside me, I see Him daily as I am surrounded by His blessings, yet I have let this relationship become one-sided. I have not invested into our relationship lately.
So as I look forward to the close of one year and the beginning of another I seek to stop going through the motions and live.
One of my new favorite songs is The Motions by Matthew West-
"This might hurt, It's not safe, but I know that I've gotta make a change, I don't care if I break, at least I'll be feeling something, 'cause just ok is not enough. Help me fight through the nothingness of life, I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking- What if I had given everything? Instead of going through the motions."
I desire to be the Sarah that God wants me to be. I desire to feel truly in His presence and fulfilling His purpose for me in this life. I desire to live. Truly living in each day.