And perhaps it is a little of my own lack of understanding.
But, when I look at me before and me now, I want to see change.
Progress made in becoming all that I was created to be.
Changes made to live healthier.
Attitudes adjusted to love more.
Habits broken to grow.
My husband was a very, very public person for years.
I often would get to know him through his daily blog, just as the world did.
He would give all his emotions to writing it out, only to find a false sense of security in a world that loved his character.
When it benefited them.
When it got them ahead of others.
When it helped their cause.
When it made them feel good because they could relate.
But when his world shattered, where was everyone?
It's an oddly interesting life to be immersed in a time and place of what was.
I recently met someone who knew my husband before.
She commented how he was a "party animal."
I laughed thinking of the man I kissed goodbye that morning, who was snuggling with our baby.
Yes, I knew that old character too.
A representative of a person who wrote with truth behind the words.
Emotionally charged writings bleeding a broken soul, with applause of acceptance.
How wonderful it is when we find our people, whom we no longer need to pretend for.
When it is okay to be authentically raw and accepted in love.
"You have stopped writing Micheal?" I read a lot.
Maybe to an extent some.
Definitely not as much publicly.
But, he hasn't really.
He is just channeling all that he gave away to more of what matters for him in this time and place.
Into writing and composing several new songs.
Into playing the guitar again.
Into a church in a bar filled with people he loves.
Into telling stories to a 5 month old who adores her Daddy.
Change.
I look at this man I knew 18 years ago and who I was 18 years ago and marvel at how us then would have never worked.
But us now....WOW!
As we both learn to be true to ourselves for the first time surrounded in a safe loving relationship.
Stripping away our own insecurities and demons.
So, why the world doesn't get to read all about it every day, it's not for lack of stories.
But learning to invest those emotions into cultivating a marriage that will last.
Discovering the joys of raising a baby, again.
Loving seven children and their seven different personalities.
Setting aside the computer for the beauty of the outdoors.
Learning to hear the true applause of a few.
Giving, but not running on empty.
Authentically creating that which our heart desires, instead of out of habit for others.
Learning to say no without feeling guilty.
What do you need to give up that others want, so that you can have time for what you want?
What habit are you hiding behind that keeps you from moving forward?
How have you grown?
May you find the strength to let things go, the courage to move forward, and the love of yourself to celebrate.
