January 16, 2009

Wny not me?

For the past 14 weeks we have been dealing with Ben's Achilles. And it really is we. The lows have outweighed the up times during this ordeal. I have sat staring at nothingness for hours, to tired to move and frozen in depression.
As I sat looking through my "journal" I found this quote from The Fred Factor by Mark Sanborn.... "Why not me? I have faith and I am tough. I can take it." I do not remember the exact story surrounding this, but do recall the woman was facing some sort of illness and when others sympathetically looked at her this was her response.
I admit I had zero grace the first time around. Poor Ben on bed rest was suffering enough, yet I only inflicted more guilt on him. Sure I did it all, but not without complaining.
So when we learned of the third infection I questioned God... surely He knew I lacked grace, patience and stamina to do it all again.... but here I am...
So I am in the battle to not let this infection consume our life and not to fall into a state of hopelessness.
Perhaps I will even have some grace.
So, with some trepidation, I say.... "Why not me? I have faith and I am tough. I can take it."

1 comment:

Zapak1 said...

I just finished reading your husband's blog. That was some ordeal. Your willingness to help him every step of the way though - even when it got seriously gross - was the highlight of the journey. You've got to really like someone, and not be a wussy to mess with an infection like that O_o

Way to stay tough! His life would have sucked a heck of a lot more if he didn't have someone strong to help him ;)