Sleep deprived, sore and elated, I stood over a three day old Madison Joy buttoning the last button on her pink, orange and white sleeper. Her long newborn fingers grasped my thumb as I picked her up.
I snapped her in her car seat and she started to scream. She was one of those babies who did not like their car seat.
"Ready," I said to my Mom and Dad. We were heading out for Maddie's first debut at her Dad's school.
"Turn on the TV," and so we did.
My parents and I stood stunned learning that a plane had flown into one of the Twin Towers and we watched with thousands of others as another plane flew into the Second Tower.
I felt violated.
Maddie's screams brought me back to the present moment and I unsnapped her from her car seat and held her too tight for a long time.
A year later I would stand at Ground Zero in silence. My heart stopped looking at the surrounding buildings still damaged and covered in tarps. The magnitude of horrid unspeakable terror still permeated through the unsettled dust and rubble.
This morning I drove Laurel Grace and Cassidy Love to school listening to broadcasts from that day. They asked countless questions of which many I could answer, but still the one I can't...why?
We can all ask what we wonder....how does one hate so much, why the allegiance to a ruler so nasty, what religion could teach such acts.
But maybe what we really should be asking is how do I teach, show, and give love better. What can I do in my sliver of the world to make it better for others?
Trust me I understand we are all stressed, too busy, overworked, underpaid and the bills are never ending. We are tired. And when our children or spouse ask us for one more thing at night we often snap.
Oh, I have been there all too much. Guilt sets in and we beat ourselves up for saying the wrong thing.
I am married to a wonder of a man who loves abundantly. Not just me, and the kids, or his Mom, but everyone he meets. I am slowly and hesitantly opening up my heart to loving more like this.
To do this though, we first must examine our own lives and find what is it that prevents us from living our peace.
I must say it is easy to live out the second greatest commandment from Matthew 22:36-40...."love your neighbor as yourself," when you don't really love yourself.
But, we deserve to happily celebrate every day of our lives. We all desire to be loved for who we are. I believe we are naturally wired to love others, but often we hold back love unconsciously because our own self doubt trumps our rational side.
And we sit idle because we doubt we could make a difference, or we feel unimportant, or we are scared.
One day I finally said to myself enough!
I invested in myself and discovered that I was the one preventing myself from living and loving my life. And what I found was joy, and grace, and love, and peace.
You deserve this too!
We invite you to take part in our next 100% online class Embracing peace in your life at http://www.meellc.com/wordpress/indepthclasses/.