My Wishes

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight….

Stringy blond haired and blue-eyed little me would sit at my windowsill each night, wishing.

As I got older I would sit, hoping.

And now I sit, praying.

My life journey has not gone as planned at all.

My dream of working in marketing for a sports team I gave up when I got married the first time.

The job offer was there from an NFL team, but I chose marriage and then a baby carriage, and another and another.

And what could have been a wildly successful career was replaced by a Love, and a Grace and a Joy that are my three greatest creations.

My life was steady, but a relationship began failing, and so I chose to give more of myself away and become a foster mom.

This mother of three became a mother of seven overnight.

My heart learned a depth of evil of others in the world that I still cannot talk about.  

Yet I grew in love towards a son and three daughters who confirmed family is not simply blood.

And when they left, the reality of what wasn’t there still existed.

I tried all I could to make it right, but I lost to a depression that refused to allow the other to see what needed to be done.

Still a hope existed when I got the permission to move back to be near the beach.

A dream I never gave up.

But temporary happiness was fleeting and divorce soon came and I was left alone.

I had my dream house, three beautiful girls, and a job I loved.

Until my job became restrictive and evil people of power threatened me.

So I hid.

My heart was bursting in love that I could not share.

And I felt pushed back into a shell of what I should be.

Until one day enough was enough.

I would not live like this.

And that cost me my job.

So an unlikely match to the world was formed and I married a man who holds my heart.

Time and money were our friend and we took advantage of it all.

Until it ran out.

And new creative endeavors never took off.

But happiness overflows in two once broken hearts that constantly explode like fireworks of their first kiss.

Yet, I know my plans are little compared to what lies ahead.

So…I wish I may, I wish I might…NOT have the wish I wish tonight.