I am blessed with a wonderful memory. I am cursed with a wonderful memory. My ability to remember things is wonderful when they are pleasant and dreadful when they are not. The sad truth is that often I had not forgiven those things in the past so that I could move on.
Lately, I have spent a lot of time in thought--- praying, forgiving, letting go, accepting. I have come to realize that often our journey to get to where we are meant to be is rarely how we imagine. Our plans…. well that elicits enough laughter alone…planning… orchestrating… often leads to scheming to get to what we want; but not always to what we need or where we should be. We arrive only to realize we are still in search of something more.
Yet what I have started to realize is that when I embrace the here and now…starting each day as a tabula rasa…I am filled beyond the heart happiness that I can hold.
I cannot change the past, nor would I want to. It shapes part of who I am. I have said things I wish I had not said or hurt others when I wish I hadn’t, but good or bad, right or wrong, I have come to a point in my life when I have accepted my past for getting me to here. Seeking forgiveness where it was needed and taking the time to heal.
Now at the end of most days I marvel in the delights of my days. Thanking God for the holiness that comes from realizing His plans are far greater than my own; finding not only my needs, but my wants are abundantly overfilled. I no longer look at my journey as getting from point A to point B, but my journey is an extraordinary adventure of finding me.
So, this morning when I awoke I embraced the peace and joy that comes from knowing, feeling, seeing that his love for me is even greater than I can comprehend. I cannot say that I am able to start every day like this, but I have complete faith that one day I will. And I believe that that day is soon.