February 6, 2013

My Son Still Sings to Me

Oh, give me the beat boys, and free my soul, I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away..came on the radio this morning as I was driving the girls to school. I turned it up and sang along  with my "son's" voice singing with me in my mind.

Tears came to my eyes and I said a prayer for four children whom I no longer have, but hold forever in my heart.

After being blessed with three wonderful daughters, the time came when it felt right to pursue my dream of having a large family through adoption.

Ever since I was little I wanted to adopt. I am not sure where this came from, but as a pastor's kid I saw firsthand countless couples make the decision to adopt, struggle through getting all the paperwork done, raise money, and wait and wait and wait...to bring their child(ren) home. As I got older I watched my friends go through this same process and shared their sorrows and joys.

Finally, I felt ready to do this personally. I went through foster care training in the hope of adopting a sibling group already waiting for their forever family in the United States. Once I received certification I began the process of getting my name on waiting lists. My whole adoption journey is another story for a different time, but lets just say the red tape involved, even in the US, was quite disappointing.

The girls were away visiting my parents in NYC and I was very discouraged. I was lamenting how unfair the process was as I had just lost the opportunity to meet a sibling group of four girls, after being chosen as one of three possibilities for them. "I just wish the phone would ring and someone would said hey we have kids for you...." I said.

Within five seconds of uttering these words, the phone rang.

It was our caseworker saying she had a sibling group of four who needed a place to stay immediately. They were not adoptable at this time, and older, but could I house them for just the week. Within 30 minutes I was at the police station to bring these kids home and I became a "mom" to seven kids.

What was suppose to be just the week turned into four months.

There is a lot of things I will share eventually about being a foster mom and my adoption process. And yet, there is still a lot that my heart holds, but cannot find the words to express.

Today, I continually celebrate my three blessings and share the joys with Mike and his three wonderful kids. There are four other souls that I think of every day. Their picture hangs on our fridge. I remember their birthdays, although they would never know.

So this morning when a song played and I heard my "son" singing I need to share. Because somewhere there are four kids who will forever be a part of me. And every day I wonder and I pray and I hope. For I will never believe that what I gave to them in those four months was enough, yet I am still discovering all that they gave to me.

No comments: