Today it's a Hard Lesson Learned

It is hard when your best friend is also your business partner.

So personal confession, the other night I took out my business frustrations on my husband, who rightly so got defensive.

We are starting our own company and it is not easy. I wonder why this and why that and end up doubting how it all will work out. I become overly critical and near ready to call it quits.

So the next morning I decided to filter these thoughts through another dear friend. Someone I knew who would let me explode and then reign me back into the right mindset and focus. Only, as I was typing the message I hit send while simultaneously realizing I was messaging the wrong group of people.

God has a funny way of teaching us sometimes.

I immediately got sick to my stomach and sent apologies out. I still ache with grief over this mistake.

The truth of the matter is I am scared.

I worked hard for 14 years to pay off my college debt, pay off stupid college credit debt, and establish the lifestyle I desired in terms of money and profession. My credit score was near perfect and a steady paycheck was more than sufficient.

However, life events happened in a short period of time---a divorce, a marriage, unexpected job changes and a move.

I still hold onto my almost perfect dream house on a cul-de-sac as a future investment for the girls college fund and am blessed with great renters. And we continue to create Mike's beach house into our home.

I take great pride in being able to continue to pay my own debts that I brought into this marriage but know there are limited days left when I can do this. All the while, yearning to be debt free again and able to contribute financially to our life.

Lately this pressure cooker of time has hit me hard.

There is a scary unknown trying to create the life you want through your own business. The sacrifice is the security of a paycheck while competing in the rat race.

My mind still swirls with thoughts of how to fix this all, but none of the solutions feel right yet.

I wish that I could end this post with a positive as I typically do in my blogs, but I am still unsettled. So I share this piece of me with you because it's where I am today.

And it is okay to not have all the answers.