Choosing My Joie de Vivre

Change is hard.

Whether it is forced upon us or chosen, it is hard.  

That's why most of us stay.

Stay in unhappy situations.

Settle for passionless jobs.

Remain in unfulfilled or abusive relationships.

Live in the confines of what's familiar.

A few years ago that was me.

On the outside I had it all.

On the inside I was a shell.

Emotional battles raged.

I could please everyone else or choose my own happiness.

Seems selfish right?

But the truth is we have to take care of ourselves first, so we can take care of others and serve our purpose in this world.

Most of us have this backwards.

We do it all for others leaving nothing left to give ourselves.

So I chose me.

I left the comfort of the familiar neighborhood.

I left a failed relationship in my marriage.

I left my dream house.

I left a dog I loved.

And then other loses came.

A job ended.

Family and friends disappeared.

Health and dental insurance was lost.

When I chose me....I had no idea how much loss I would suffer.

It was painful.

Sometimes I still mourn things.

Pieces of my heart are still broken.

Perhaps some could have been done differently to not have some much pain received in such a short period of time, but I've never been one to do things half-hearted.

So I forged forward.

Living in a stripped down version of the life I craved to get to the life I was suppose to have.

My future was a a blank canvas with tons of unknowns.

And then I found love in the most unlikely of places.

And I have never known the depth of love like this.

Many things are still unknown or don't make sense.

Yet we both believe in each other.
 
That God had a hand in all of this.

And the long journey of pain, was worth it.

Every day is not easy.

Fears still exist.

Pains still linger.

But I know all of that was worth it to get to all of this.
 
And I don't regret the rain 
Or the nights I felt the pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way
Every road I had to take
Every time my heart would break
It was just something that I had to get through
To get me to you, To get me to you 
And if I could I wouldn't change a thing...

Sex...The Topic Most Avoid

I have wanted to write this blog for a long time, but every time the words come our condemning and that is not my intention. So I write my heart, knowing this may not sit well with some and apologizing for any I offend ahead of time.

There has been a lot of bloggers, specifically moms, blogging about girls and/or their daughters and how we need to be careful that our girls are not giving the wrong message to boys. Don't post your pictures they are too provocative, don't be friends with boys they only want sex, don't want to dance with boys or you will become a whore, you only need to be around "Godly" boys. I could go on and on, but won't. Worse, most of these blogs slap on a Bible verse, often taken out of context, but fitted in to make their point.

I would love to sit down and have a conversation with each of these moms to understand their viewpoint better. And to have them define terms like "Godly" that they toss around as if it has a universal meaning.  And to talk about scripture as a whole.

As a mother of three daughters I find these blogs disturbing.

Women are still being blamed. And this is damaging our girls/daughters.

I want my girls to develop to become all that they are. To feel beautiful from within. To not fear men. To not fear sex or their own sexuality.

"We just want out daughter's to be 'good' girls right? But does good include denying sexual feelings? Denying one's sexuality is a denial of the body itself and in this way, discourages self-control. That's why it's so important that we teach our daughters to love and respect their sexuality, as well as every other aspect of their bodies."- Brenda Richardson

Of course I do not want my daughters to be promiscuous and I pray every day they marry someone who is loving, honest, faithful, fulfilling, honoring, and challenging (here is where I leave off the generic "Godly" term.) I pray they do not marry someone that makes them feel used and expects and demands sex because they are married.

After all, the Bible says: "How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights. Your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit." Song of Solomon 7:6-8

Why do we continue to teach our girls/daughters that sex is bad, yet yearn for them to have an emotionally and physically satisfying marriage?

Where we are lacking is in teaching our kids (boys and girls) about healthy relationships. Relationships among peers of both genders. Learning how to develop respect for themselves and others. Learning how to be confident in their convictions and beliefs.

We often lock them into a world filled with "you can't do this or that..."

But they do anyway.

And they hide it from us.

I was one of those kids. Only allowed to date when I was 16 and only "Christian" boys. Yet, it was those "Godly Christian" boys who were practicing how to have a submissive spouse with me.

So I am trying to raise my girls to be confident in who they are, discovering the gifts God has blessed them with, able to ask me anything (and they do....as semen and blue balls was a recent topic of discussion), that not only "Christian" boys are good, and to not be afraid to develop their sensual side.

It's time we stop placing blame on a gender. Especially our own gender, Moms.

Perhaps my prayers now extend beyond my own daughters and to a mass of girls still confined to a damaging viewpoint of the beautiful, strong, smart, and sexual beings God created them to be.