April 4, 2014

Sex...The Topic Most Avoid

I have wanted to write this blog for a long time, but every time the words come our condemning and that is not my intention. So I write my heart, knowing this may not sit well with some and apologizing for any I offend ahead of time.

There has been a lot of bloggers, specifically moms, blogging about girls and/or their daughters and how we need to be careful that our girls are not giving the wrong message to boys. Don't post your pictures they are too provocative, don't be friends with boys they only want sex, don't want to dance with boys or you will become a whore, you only need to be around "Godly" boys. I could go on and on, but won't. Worse, most of these blogs slap on a Bible verse, often taken out of context, but fitted in to make their point.

I would love to sit down and have a conversation with each of these moms to understand their viewpoint better. And to have them define terms like "Godly" that they toss around as if it has a universal meaning.  And to talk about scripture as a whole.

As a mother of three daughters I find these blogs disturbing.

Women are still being blamed. And this is damaging our girls/daughters.

I want my girls to develop to become all that they are. To feel beautiful from within. To not fear men. To not fear sex or their own sexuality.

"We just want out daughter's to be 'good' girls right? But does good include denying sexual feelings? Denying one's sexuality is a denial of the body itself and in this way, discourages self-control. That's why it's so important that we teach our daughters to love and respect their sexuality, as well as every other aspect of their bodies."- Brenda Richardson

Of course I do not want my daughters to be promiscuous and I pray every day they marry someone who is loving, honest, faithful, fulfilling, honoring, and challenging (here is where I leave off the generic "Godly" term.) I pray they do not marry someone that makes them feel used and expects and demands sex because they are married.

After all, the Bible says: "How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights. Your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit." Song of Solomon 7:6-8

Why do we continue to teach our girls/daughters that sex is bad, yet yearn for them to have an emotionally and physically satisfying marriage?

Where we are lacking is in teaching our kids (boys and girls) about healthy relationships. Relationships among peers of both genders. Learning how to develop respect for themselves and others. Learning how to be confident in their convictions and beliefs.

We often lock them into a world filled with "you can't do this or that..."

But they do anyway.

And they hide it from us.

I was one of those kids. Only allowed to date when I was 16 and only "Christian" boys. Yet, it was those "Godly Christian" boys who were practicing how to have a submissive spouse with me.

So I am trying to raise my girls to be confident in who they are, discovering the gifts God has blessed them with, able to ask me anything (and they do....as semen and blue balls was a recent topic of discussion), that not only "Christian" boys are good, and to not be afraid to develop their sensual side.

It's time we stop placing blame on a gender. Especially our own gender, Moms.

Perhaps my prayers now extend beyond my own daughters and to a mass of girls still confined to a damaging viewpoint of the beautiful, strong, smart, and sexual beings God created them to be.

1 comment:

Debbie McGrew said...

Beautifully said. Thank you.