Stress! Things have been rough the past few weeks and no matter how hard I try to have a positive attitude, my days still ends stressful. I think it is like Pavlov's classical conditioning--- even now hearing a person's name immediately brings me stress, a CR or conditioned response. Thankfully this is not everyday. And boy do I really look forward to those days.
Other the other hand I keep reminding myself that I do believe that the will of God will not lead you, where the grace of God cannot keep you. I just am trying to make sure that I am interpreting the will of God correctly.
September 16, 2008
September 9, 2008
Literally
The other day Cassidy asked for a napkin to wipe her face. She proceeded to wipe her face and I told her she needed to "wipe the other side." She took the napkin and tried to wipe her bottom.
Sometimes I forget she is (almost) 2 and takes things literally.
Sometimes I forget she is (almost) 2 and takes things literally.
September 4, 2008
Exploring Adoption
We have officially started exploring adoption! This is an exciting and scary time for us. Adoption is something I have always felt called to do and we have both come to a point where we are ready to really consider adopting. The girls are very excited about the idea of welcoming a new brother or sister into our home.
It is strange to me to think that somewhere in our world is a little child waiting for a family and that we may be that family.
I ask for you to pray for us when we come to mind. Pray as we fill out all the paperwork and journey through this process, pray that we will sense God's leading and hear him clearly, pray for our teachers, social workers, and everyone involved in working with us, and pray for our son or daughter who does not yet know we love them.
It is strange to me to think that somewhere in our world is a little child waiting for a family and that we may be that family.
I ask for you to pray for us when we come to mind. Pray as we fill out all the paperwork and journey through this process, pray that we will sense God's leading and hear him clearly, pray for our teachers, social workers, and everyone involved in working with us, and pray for our son or daughter who does not yet know we love them.
August 11, 2008
Finding Me Again
I was looking back at the books I read over the past year and noticed a trend--- most were books on how to be a better mom, how to be a better wife, how to be better at time management, how to be a better Christian, etc. Now I am all for self-betterment (I doubt that is a word, but I like it), but when my stack of how to be better books was significantly larger than my reading for enjoyment pile, I got a little worried. Did I really view myself as needing that much betterment?
I have this mental list of things that I know I need to and have been trying to work on, but lately I have been realizing that perhaps my view of me is clouded too much but what I am not, than what I am.
And so now I am starting to become comfortable in my own skin. I am not completely abandoning my betterment list, just balancing the negatives with double the amount of positives and embracing (what I see as) my imperfections not as imperfect parts of me, but as who I am.
Somewhere between college, marriage and now, I had some tainted views of what I thought a wife, mother, etc. should be and how they should act. Instead of being Sarah as a wife or Sarah as a mother, I tried to be Sarah as the Perfect Wife, Sarah as the Perfect Mother and this led to not being Sarah.
I remember Ben once saying to me that he missed the old Sarah. He has no idea how much that comment has played over and over again in my mind. It has just taken me much longer to realize I missed her too.
So now I stand here feeling like I am no longer looking at my naked self through a magnifying glass, but looking at myself through eyes that have just looked directly into the sun- Seeing a blotch of shadowy imperfections yet knowing that my eyes will readjust and I will see myself again.
I have this mental list of things that I know I need to and have been trying to work on, but lately I have been realizing that perhaps my view of me is clouded too much but what I am not, than what I am.
And so now I am starting to become comfortable in my own skin. I am not completely abandoning my betterment list, just balancing the negatives with double the amount of positives and embracing (what I see as) my imperfections not as imperfect parts of me, but as who I am.
Somewhere between college, marriage and now, I had some tainted views of what I thought a wife, mother, etc. should be and how they should act. Instead of being Sarah as a wife or Sarah as a mother, I tried to be Sarah as the Perfect Wife, Sarah as the Perfect Mother and this led to not being Sarah.
I remember Ben once saying to me that he missed the old Sarah. He has no idea how much that comment has played over and over again in my mind. It has just taken me much longer to realize I missed her too.
So now I stand here feeling like I am no longer looking at my naked self through a magnifying glass, but looking at myself through eyes that have just looked directly into the sun- Seeing a blotch of shadowy imperfections yet knowing that my eyes will readjust and I will see myself again.
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