Faith

The other night I spent countless hours lying awake wrestling with some news I had recently received. It was not something I wanted to hear, but it was the truth. I had known all along, but it was confirmed in the end.

So this news catapulted me back into the past. Initially I was shocked, then angry, then ...my body shook, I was physically sick, and started to drown in endless sorrow.

I fought to get out of remaining back there. It is easy to get stuck in the what was and let it strangle the happiness out of what is.

I have always tried to live for the present. Yet, I struggle at times letting history take happiness out of my today's.

Of all the good and of all the bad in my past, it comprises chapters of my life that have shaped who I have become.

I am on a constant journey to being the best me that I can be. I take what the past was and learn from it. Vowing never to make certain mistakes again, promising myself to forgive, pushing myself to learn from it and be better.

As hard as I wish there is no power to change what has occurred or to erase it from memory. What I do know is that I can choose to allow the past to intrude and continue to have life by festering in the present or I can learn to accept and forgive.

Forgiveness is hard but essential. This is very difficult for me. Yet, I am slowly moving past the "Why did this happen to me?" to "How has this (or can this) help me grow?" I am grabbing onto faith; clinging to the hope and promise of the future.