January 23, 2013

Contrary Answer to my Prayer

Javan wrote, "I often wondered and racked my brain, but I guess I'll never know, why one person looks and sees the rain, while another is seeing a rainbow."

No matter how optimistic I approach life, the truth is that sometimes parts of it are scary and hard.

Last week I burnt my grievances (http://www.sarahelink.blogspot.com/2013/01/your-glimpse-into-burning-of-my.html), but they still creep into my head. I make a daily choice to remember I let things go. I literally stop my thought train and reroute it to the now. I am learning to work my own thoughts into the joy of now.

I have been gifted with the ability to break challenges down into smaller steps and accomplish them successfully. This has also sometimes cursed me when a long time ago, on multiple occasions, I failed to show grace to others because this was not easy for them.

There are three particular things on my heart right now that I wish I could just fix for others. Last night I laid awake thinking about a lot of things, ending up conversing with God about one in particular.

 "Please God, make it easy for him," I prayed over and over again. "Keep him safe, please."

A watchful heart and mind would not let me drift into deep slumber, but I rested.

This morning I woke up and during my newly established quiet time I read a daily devotional of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. After reading James 1:2-4, I read the following for today: Nothing can fill the gap when we are away from those we love....It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap: he does not fill it, but keeps it empty so that our communion with another may be kept alive, even at the cost of pain.

The reading goes on to say..."The unresolved issues in our lives become the opportunity for us to pray, persevere, adjust, and grow to become more open, caring, patient, and giving. And when there is no resolution, the delicate plant of hope can grow."

Not exactly what I wanted to hear this morning. And it got worse...the prayer I read at the conclusion...Lord, in the times of loneliness and difficulty, help me NOT to press you for easy solutions which provide relief but no growth and no long-term resolution. Amen.

I shut the book in frustration. "How could you show me something so contrary to what my heart was asking?" I thought.

Immediately another quote came to mind, "Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

I watched the darkness of the morning starting to turn as the sun rose welcoming a new day.


I opened the book again and read the prayer slowly committing each word as a honest expression of where I need to be...."help me not to press you for easy solutions which provide relief but no growth and no long-term resolutions. Amen."


Aimee @ SmallAnchors.com said...

yes. may we learn through the hard and look back and recognize God's provision, God's intention and His light guiding us through. because when life is tough and we choose to turn to God.. we can give Him honor & praise abundantly for seeing us through.

Shelley said...

This is so good, Sarah. Thanks for sharing.